The Ritual
I really need to blog more often, or at least when there's a lot happening with Libra and Me. Over the last few weeks, there has been a lot happening.
There have been moments when I'm certain that things are going to massively change, and when it's done we won't be as close. Sometimes, I'm wrong. Imagine that!! It's probably just my twisted little psyche and my crappy (but getting better) self-esteem fucking with me.
We went to a funeral for a family member of one of Libra's friends. I didn't know Libra's friend well. I had met him only briefly at a party at Libra's house, and had exchanged a couple of emails. I wasn't planning on going to the funeral even though I wanted to, as I wasn't sure if it was even appropriate. (We still have to be careful about where we're seen together, go together, meet up, etc...) Libra told me that he was going with one of his family members, so I left it at that. Then a few days before the funeral, he asked if I was going. So I went.
It was probably the nicest and happiest funeral I've ever been to. It was obvious to even me, a stranger, that this man was well loved by all that he knew. He was a family man married to the same woman for many years. People spoke of how he cared for his family and friends and how he always made time for them. He was a family man. I sat there listening and couldn't help but wonder what effect the discourse was having on Libra. (Yes, I was actually sitting at someone's funeral thinking about myself. I would usually feel very guilty about that, but I just can't be self-centered and guilt ridden at the same time. I know...I have issues.) I couldn't help thinking that day things were going to change with he and I. I thought that he might, upon this man's passing....someone he had known most of his life, feel some urge to separate from me and expend whatever time and energies he gives me back to his family....his wife and children. I certainly would not blame him for a decision like that or hold it against him. At that moment sitting in the funeral, the thought of him devoting all to her and them didn't even make me upset. It was more a feeling of resignation. As if it is the natural conclusion to our story.
Later that night, however, things seemed to take an unexpected turn. I wish that I could figure out what precipitates these particular turns, but so far I'm in the dark. I saw Libra at work that night for an hour or so. When he was on his way, he called me on my cell; which he usually does now. He started off by telling me about a fantasy that he has. He's sitting in the chair in his bedroom. I bring a man into the room. The man is not allowed to speak at all. I fuck the man. If the man speaks even one word, he's made to leave. When we're done fucking, he leaves.
Libra and I had a conversation earlier about me wanting to invite another man over on a night when we had invited 2 other women over (sounds like a party!!). Even though I was the one that brought the subject up and had even talked to a man that I had in mind, I found myself not really wanting to have sex with another man. First, Libra is the most exquisite lover that I have ever had, and I can't begin to imagine any other man ever pleasing me the way that he does. Why bother with another man when I'm getting what I need from the one that I already have? Then there's the emotional factor. I love Libra and don't like the thought of another man's dick in my pussy.
Women.....now that's a different story. I don't really have any desire to be in a relationship with a woman, but I'm still very interested in the sexual experimentation. Also, I found it very erotic watching Libra fuck the woman that I brought home not too long ago. I found myself mildly jealous when he was having a conversation with her, but watching him fuck her was great.
So back to our conversation on Libra's way home from work. Libra tells me about his fantasy and then says that he's starting to feel selfish with me. And, he feels bad about that since I allow him to be with other women. Then he asks me.... Can't we do something....to show that we are more..... Get married under fake names, do some sort of ritual or something? I told him Yes, if that's really what he wants to do. He told me that he wouldn't keep brining it up if it wasn't what he really wanted to do. The thought of doing something like that thrilled me... not legally binding, illegal, informal or otherwise. I have to ask myself what it really would mean. We would be the only ones to know. I could never tell anyone. I wouldn't be able to share my hapiness with anyone but Libra. It would be another secret for me to keep. Whether or not we ever do anything like that, it still made me feel so good that he wants to do it, and that he told me. And since we weren't having sex when he said it, I know it wasn't fuck talk. :-)
He also told me that night that if he had met me a long time ago, and that if I was anything then like I am now, that he would have loved me to death. He told me that I would never have had to go through everything that I've been through with Idiot #1 (that's what we call me 1st husband) or Idiot #2 (that's what we call the husband that I'm divorcing now). So many days I've gone to sleep wondering what my life would have been like if Libra had found me sooner.
I don't feel comfortable going into all the details, but suffice it to say that Libra, very shortly thereafter, came up with a plan for us to escape for a weekend and do this "we're more" thing. I'm still not sure of when it will be or what exactly we're doing, but it's been nice thinking about it. Since I'm never certain of what our future will be, I do my best to take each moment that we spend together and make it sacred and special.
I read about an old ritual in Scotland..the left-handed Handfast. The left-handed Handfasting was done between the nobleman and his Mistress. This was opposed to the right-handed Handfasting between the nobleman and his wife. The Mistress gained none of the legal benefits of the traditional Handfasting. She did gain the protection of the nobleman, and her children would have the same status as the children of the wife. Well I don't exactly need protection, and we're not having any children, but I still do find the whole Handfasting concept to be quite interesting.
I haven't spent much time with the Libras lately, and I miss it. Just laughing and talking. Watching TV. Just Being...with them. There are nights when I still wish I could just go over to their house, crawl into bed with Mr. and Mrs. Libra, and drift off to sleep.
In my dreams
Libra's Mistress
There have been moments when I'm certain that things are going to massively change, and when it's done we won't be as close. Sometimes, I'm wrong. Imagine that!! It's probably just my twisted little psyche and my crappy (but getting better) self-esteem fucking with me.
We went to a funeral for a family member of one of Libra's friends. I didn't know Libra's friend well. I had met him only briefly at a party at Libra's house, and had exchanged a couple of emails. I wasn't planning on going to the funeral even though I wanted to, as I wasn't sure if it was even appropriate. (We still have to be careful about where we're seen together, go together, meet up, etc...) Libra told me that he was going with one of his family members, so I left it at that. Then a few days before the funeral, he asked if I was going. So I went.
It was probably the nicest and happiest funeral I've ever been to. It was obvious to even me, a stranger, that this man was well loved by all that he knew. He was a family man married to the same woman for many years. People spoke of how he cared for his family and friends and how he always made time for them. He was a family man. I sat there listening and couldn't help but wonder what effect the discourse was having on Libra. (Yes, I was actually sitting at someone's funeral thinking about myself. I would usually feel very guilty about that, but I just can't be self-centered and guilt ridden at the same time. I know...I have issues.) I couldn't help thinking that day things were going to change with he and I. I thought that he might, upon this man's passing....someone he had known most of his life, feel some urge to separate from me and expend whatever time and energies he gives me back to his family....his wife and children. I certainly would not blame him for a decision like that or hold it against him. At that moment sitting in the funeral, the thought of him devoting all to her and them didn't even make me upset. It was more a feeling of resignation. As if it is the natural conclusion to our story.
Later that night, however, things seemed to take an unexpected turn. I wish that I could figure out what precipitates these particular turns, but so far I'm in the dark. I saw Libra at work that night for an hour or so. When he was on his way, he called me on my cell; which he usually does now. He started off by telling me about a fantasy that he has. He's sitting in the chair in his bedroom. I bring a man into the room. The man is not allowed to speak at all. I fuck the man. If the man speaks even one word, he's made to leave. When we're done fucking, he leaves.
Libra and I had a conversation earlier about me wanting to invite another man over on a night when we had invited 2 other women over (sounds like a party!!). Even though I was the one that brought the subject up and had even talked to a man that I had in mind, I found myself not really wanting to have sex with another man. First, Libra is the most exquisite lover that I have ever had, and I can't begin to imagine any other man ever pleasing me the way that he does. Why bother with another man when I'm getting what I need from the one that I already have? Then there's the emotional factor. I love Libra and don't like the thought of another man's dick in my pussy.
Women.....now that's a different story. I don't really have any desire to be in a relationship with a woman, but I'm still very interested in the sexual experimentation. Also, I found it very erotic watching Libra fuck the woman that I brought home not too long ago. I found myself mildly jealous when he was having a conversation with her, but watching him fuck her was great.
So back to our conversation on Libra's way home from work. Libra tells me about his fantasy and then says that he's starting to feel selfish with me. And, he feels bad about that since I allow him to be with other women. Then he asks me.... Can't we do something....to show that we are more..... Get married under fake names, do some sort of ritual or something? I told him Yes, if that's really what he wants to do. He told me that he wouldn't keep brining it up if it wasn't what he really wanted to do. The thought of doing something like that thrilled me... not legally binding, illegal, informal or otherwise. I have to ask myself what it really would mean. We would be the only ones to know. I could never tell anyone. I wouldn't be able to share my hapiness with anyone but Libra. It would be another secret for me to keep. Whether or not we ever do anything like that, it still made me feel so good that he wants to do it, and that he told me. And since we weren't having sex when he said it, I know it wasn't fuck talk. :-)
He also told me that night that if he had met me a long time ago, and that if I was anything then like I am now, that he would have loved me to death. He told me that I would never have had to go through everything that I've been through with Idiot #1 (that's what we call me 1st husband) or Idiot #2 (that's what we call the husband that I'm divorcing now). So many days I've gone to sleep wondering what my life would have been like if Libra had found me sooner.
I don't feel comfortable going into all the details, but suffice it to say that Libra, very shortly thereafter, came up with a plan for us to escape for a weekend and do this "we're more" thing. I'm still not sure of when it will be or what exactly we're doing, but it's been nice thinking about it. Since I'm never certain of what our future will be, I do my best to take each moment that we spend together and make it sacred and special.
I read about an old ritual in Scotland..the left-handed Handfast. The left-handed Handfasting was done between the nobleman and his Mistress. This was opposed to the right-handed Handfasting between the nobleman and his wife. The Mistress gained none of the legal benefits of the traditional Handfasting. She did gain the protection of the nobleman, and her children would have the same status as the children of the wife. Well I don't exactly need protection, and we're not having any children, but I still do find the whole Handfasting concept to be quite interesting.
I haven't spent much time with the Libras lately, and I miss it. Just laughing and talking. Watching TV. Just Being...with them. There are nights when I still wish I could just go over to their house, crawl into bed with Mr. and Mrs. Libra, and drift off to sleep.
In my dreams
Libra's Mistress
posted by Libra's Mistress | 12:40 AM
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