Five Minutes of Making Out.... Well, Really It Was Eight

Recently, I received a text message from Libra:
I want 5 straight minutes of making out. No sex. Hit me back if you agree.

I texted back: When? Do I get to grab your dick?

He texted back: After the first 5 minutes, anything goes

I asked Libra if he would be coming to my apartment after he got off work. I can't remember exactly what his response was, but I didn't think that he would be coming. This was and is often the case. Very seldom am I sure of when we will be spending time together, and even then it sometimes falls through. So, this occasion wasn't very different from any other. Even so, it still remains the hardest thing for me to come to terms with in our relationship. I know that he gives me every minute that he can. I have no doubt about that. But, sometimes...well, a lot of times, I really long for more, and I don't always get it. He did remind me once, only once was needed, that when we are together, he gives me quality time. That's truth.

The issue still causes me to revisit the same questions over and over: What do I want? How can I raise the bar? What will I settle for? Am I settling at all? What am I willing to pay, sacrifice, give up or rearrange for this relationship? Revisiting these questions helps me stay grounded, realistic and reminds me of the boundaries. (The single subject of boundaries will be a totally separate post, because it deserves a fair discussion.) Some days, it's not easy to answer these questions, especially if I'm feeling emotional or disappointed, but I visit them anyway. Other days, the answers to the questions flow freely, and I feel at ease. As the relationship has evolved, the boundaries and the answers to the questions have changed. My guess is that as long as the relationship continues, the changes will continue. Both Libra and I have made adjustments along the way. For instance, I'm pretty sure that we weren't planning on falling in love. If fact, I believe we were planning not to fall in love. We must not have planned very well though, because we did fall in love.

I told Libra that I had started writing this blog. I was really unsure of what he would think of me writing about us, and more unsure of what his actual reaction to the writing would be.

This past Monday, he started reading it while he was at work. We were on the phone for a couple of hours that evening, so I got to hear his reaction while he was reading it. It wasn't bad at all. He actually liked it. He said it's going to end up on Oprah, and Oprah's going to be looking for her own Libra. He made some suggestions regarding small changes to maintain our anonymity. I told him about a couple things that I had already removed. Even though they were small details, a reader that knows Libra would have recognized that the blog was about him.

About half way through his reading what I had posted, he said "I want to tell you something while X (co-worker) isn't right next to me.... I love you." It certainly was not the first time he told me that, and I certainly hope not the last, but it was just a little bit different. In the midst of reading my thoughts and recollections of us, when I was concerned that he wouldn't like what I had to say, or analyze it, or over-analyze it.... he just told me that he loved me. That felt good. For so long, I kept my own thoughts and true feelings to myself. I made sure that I didn't reveal myself, because I was afraid of rejection. On this day, Libra was reading my effort to be honest and transparent, and there was no rejection. That was really cool for me to get that positive reinforcement from Libra. It encouraged me to continue writing.

Lucky me, Libra then told me that he would be coming over. He wanted me in black, the thigh highs, the come fuck me heels, no panties. He also had changed his mind about not having sex. Go figure. I spent the rest of the evening drinking (great vanilla rum), taking a bath, rolling my hair, and getting dressed. I put on the stockings, the shoes, and a black button down shirt. I lit some candles, and straightened the bed.

I could hardly wait for him to get to my apartment. I waited a half hour after he got off work, and when he wasn't there yet, I called his cell. He was at my door, and I wasted no time letting him in. While he put down his phone and keys, I rubbed his shoulders. Not for very long though. I had been waiting all day and all evening to be with him. I walked around in front of him, and the making out began. I absolutely love kissing Libra. I don't know if I've yet mentioned it, but he's a great kisser.

It seemed like we stood there forever kissing and groping. I told him to take off his pants, and he said, "No, that might lead to sex". The nerve. I started unbuckling his belt, and it felt like he grabbed my hand to stop me for about half a second. The pants came off, and I grabbed that dick. For all the women that complain about men objectifying women, I think women are just as bad. We might not speak about it as openly, but we do it. Sometimes, I don't want to talk. I don't want to make out or make love. I just want to fuck. I just want that dick. Period.

We finally did make it to the bedroom, and the sex was good like it always is. I came. He came. You won't believe what he said to me then. "You have no self-restraint." I countered with, "We made out for at least 5 minutes, and you said that you changed your mind about no sex." He told me that it was 8 minutes, and he was actually watching the time. Then he reinformed me that I have no self-restraint.

Well, I've heard that self-restraint is highly over-rated. So, fuck it.

Libra's Mistress